The Pit

A pit is a horrible place to find yourself. A pit is a dark place. Your feet are caught in knee deep, thick mud. You're stuck and cannot get out alone. You feel hopeless, even defeated. You have no vision of the future. You see, there are no windows in a pit. Whether you were thrown in, slipped in or jumped in this pit, you're there now. Alone, hurting, confused, and maybe even angry.
I have found myself in many pits in my life. Some of my own doing and others not. I'm sharing this because I have very recently been pulled out of the darkest pit I've ever experienced. Honestly, I didn't think it possible to ever be free. I was wrong, so wrong.
Maybe your wondering how I got out? I didn't get out. I was pulled out. Lifted out by God's unfailing love.
Let me describe this pit.
This was a pit of blindness, lies, deception and overwhelming condemnation. A place full of constant beratings of shame. Fear coated every inch of this confining pit.
A prison of voices whispering.
"You're nothing and never will be anything."
"You always hurt people. You deserve to be alone."
"It will NEVER happen for you."
"Don't bother to try anymore. You're a complete failure."
"Just GIVE UP. The world would be a better place without you."
I'm going to be real with you and share the true depths of this pit's darkness for me. I began to doubt God.
The voices sreamed about God.
"God isn't dependable or trustworthy. He has let you down so many times."
"Prayer doesn't do anything. God doesn't hear you. Why bother?"
"The Bible is just a book."
"Going to church really isn't that important."

I was dying in this pit. I knew it. Certain people around me knew it. God knew it. He wanted to help me. But, quite honestly I was terrified of life out of this pit. Sounds strange, but even bad things can become familiar and even feel safe. What happened next took me down the path to freedom. It didn't present itself this way, but God has a way of working our lives for good even when we make bad choices. I made a very bad choice and hurt someone I love very much. I was hurting too. When this emtional pain became to much to bear, I exploded driving home from work one night. I can't say I "prayed," but I didn't hold anything back. I yelled and cried releasing all of my pent up emotions.
The next morning I woke up with a peace in my heart I've never known. It has not left me. I thank God for it everyday. I've realized God's peace is a very precious thing. I believe the moment I cried out with my whole heart in true desperation God heard my unspoken soul's desire to be free. I believe at that moment He reached down and lifted me out of the pit. I believe the peace I felt the next morning was the manifestation of my freedom.
I am free, but know that I have much to learn to walk out that freedom.